Ladies & Gentleman, welcome.
This is my new blog and I feel it is right to start things of on National Coming Out Day. A day that celebrates the diversity of human sexuality throughout the World. It also celebrates the courage and fortitude of those who risk exclusion, prejudice, discrimination and violence just for being who they are, who they are attracted to and who they fall in love with. It is a day of great celebration.
I was having a conversation with someone the other day and I was describing a novella I have written about my coming out and everything that surrounded that and he asked me “what makes your coming out story different from someone else’s?”
It made me think for a moment and I realised that I was being asked to rate my coming out story to all the others that have been told publicly, fictionally and privately and on a day like today that seemed wrong.
Everyone’s coming out story is different. It is individual and personal to them because only they have been through, but as with almost all thing in life, these experiences have similarities with the experiences of many other people.
We have all had terrible fears of being rejected by friends and family. Mine came from my family’s devotion to the Catholic faith and the fact that the Church has a well known dogmatic policy against homosexuality and homosexuals in general. We are apparently a moral evil as described by the former (still living) Pope Benedict. So my fear of rejection was rather high.
Personally I can say that no one comes out just once. In fact I have come out at least four times, with the last one being just after my graduation from Liverpool John Moores University two years ago in July 2013. That was to my parents and one day I may tell the full story about the breakfast conversation.
The first coming out is always to yourself. That moment when you realised that you are attracted to the same sex or both sexes or no sexes. For some it is easy to realise, to others is difficult to comprehend. For me, I rejected those feelings (while getting off on them) for two years. I then started fooling around with one of my best friends in secret and said it was just for the sex and that I really liked girls. This eventually evolved into me being bisexual (yes, I was one of those assholes who makes it harder for real bisexuals to be recognised).
Then came the moment I told my best friend (the straight one I wasn’t sleeping with) and got my first out and proud boyfriend. This lasted an entire four weeks before I fled straight back into the closet and forced myself to try and be straight. This part of the process tortured me far more than any other moment.
Two years later I came out again as bisexual again, until I reached the Christmas of my first year of university and just decided to stop being moronic and returned to University as gay because that is who I am and I needed to stop running away from myself.
I realised that you can’t change who you are and you damn well shouldn’t have to.
My final coming out came two and half years later to my parents and I finally realised that I had nothing really to fear. I know for some people it isn’t as easy and many suffer for simply being themselves and being brave enough to admit it.
I decided that to mark today, I would include the Youtube videos that I believe can help other cope with having to come out. One day, I really hope there won’t be a need to come out, but for now let us celebrate the courage of those who do.