“Don’t Come Out Until You Have A Partner?” Fuck Off

“Don’t Come Out Until You Have A Partner?” Fuck Off

If you are in the LGBT community and you are consider coming out then you have so many different thoughts and opinions rushing through your mind. What will happen when you tell people or how will your parents will react or when should I tell them?

So what do you do when you are worrying about telling your parents and filmy? You ask your friends and others for advice. Now unless they are LGBT and have gone through, you must take into account that they do not know how this feels. Straight people never have to come out. However friends are always an ample source of amazing, supportive advice in these situations as I know from my own experience.

However there is one piece of advice that is consistent and often repeated by straight people when advising LGBT people on when to come out. I myself have heard this advice repeatedly and I will be honest, when I first heard it, I thought it was a good idea.

“Only tell them when you have a partner otherwise there is no point”. Now when you first hear this advice you think that it might sound like a great idea. You can wait and tell your parents when you have a partner who supports you and you can do it together. Sounds wonderful, except its bullshit.

Here is why it is bullshit.

It gives an implication that your coming out isn’t personal to you and your loves ones but more a declaration that you are with someone and that you are only truly LGBT if you are with a partner. Now to be LGB is to be attracted to a member of the same-sex or both sexes, but that is not all we are. There is more to being LGB than that. And our coming out should be more about us  as individuals than as couples.

I am not completed by having a lover. I am not completed by having a partner. I am not completed by how many random fucks I have. I am completed by myself and my coming out had to be about me being honest about myself to myself and my family… not about me having found a partner.

That is the real problem with that piece of advice that is always given with great intention, but does imply that to be LGB, you need to have a partner to prove it. The truth is that you don’t.

You just need to be yourself. If you want to come out to your family, you first have to come out to yourself and accept who you are. Once you have accepted who you are, then it does not matter what others think. You are who you are and nothing will ever change that so be proud. And when the time is ready for you as an individual, take that step and come out to your friends and your family.

You can do it as yourself by yourself and you will not regret it. No one who has ever come out as regretted doing so. In many cases as in my case, they regret not having come out sooner.

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